Be “Impersonal”

The adult and child walking in front of me were complete strangers, people I had never seen before. The man, who looked to be in his early 30’s, was casually dressed. He was holding the hand of a young girl, probably about five years old. Perhaps the girl, Sophie, was his daughter and they were on their way home from school or a music lesson.

If you’re reading carefully, you may be thinking, “Hold on a minute!  You wrote that you had never seen those two before, and yet you assert that her name was Sophie?  That doesn’t compute, buddy.  You’ve lost your credibility….big time.”

I did what I have done on other occasions.  I called out, “Excuse me, sir,” and the man stopped and turned around.  “Hi, Sophie,” I said, and the man looked at me sideways, probably wondering why an old man with white hair was striking up a conversation.

“Do I know you,” he asked, somewhat suspiciously?  

“No,” I said.  “We have never met, but I know your daughter’s name is Sophie.  I probably shouldn’t know it, but I do–and so does everyone else who sees her backpack.”

He seemed uncertain as to how to respond to my blunt, even rude, comment, and so I continued talking.

“I reported on children’s issues for 41 years on public television and radio,” I said. “And a story I did on child predators back in the 1980’s has stayed with me.  I spent a day with cops searching for a suspected pedophile, and at one point they hauled in a man who was lingering outside an elementary school.  He hadn’t done anything, so they couldn’t charge him, and he denied being a predator.  But he did tell them—and me, the reporter–how pedophiles are successful in persuading children to go off with them.”

The father was now paying close attention.

“The biggest gift,” this (probable) predator said, “is clothing or a backpack with the child’s name printed on it.  All he has to do is call the child by name to catch them off guard.  The 5-year-old won’t recognize or remember him, but children see many adults throughout their day.  But the man knows her name, and so she might assume that she must have met him. Of course, her parents have taught her not to talk to strangers, but this man knows her name, and so she lets down her guard.”  

I have not been able to erase from my memory his final words: “Game over.

Unfortunately (from my point of view), personalized backpacks like the one Sophie was wearing are big business. A Google search turns up 43,100,000 hits.  That’s 43 MILLION!   A search for personalized lunch boxes– another gift to predators–produces 10,000,000 hits.  Disney will gladly sell you all sorts of stuff with your child’s name emblazoned on it, as will hundreds of other large companies.  

(Ironically, searching for the combination of ‘personalized backpacks’ and ‘predator’ produces references to the movie, “Predator.”  And there’s even a pedophile brand of backpack!

Perhaps I should be embarrassed to break into people’s conversations, but I am not, not any more.  It seems that old age reduces inhibitions, and so when I see parents walking with young children wearing their personalized backpacks or carrying personalized lunch boxes, I speak up. So far, anyway, nobody has punched me out or cursed me, and quite a few parents have expressed their gratitude.

That interview with that (probable) predator took place in the 1980’s, long before Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.  Today those Apps are a gift to those who are attracted to children. And again it’s the adults who are creating the problem, because many parents post photos, with names, of their children on their Facebook page, and those pages are often open to anyone surfing the web.  I know parents who do this almost daily,  and it seems to me that this amounts to an invitation to men with evil intentions.  Too many photos allow strangers to display deep familiarity with children they decide to target.  There’s no better example of TMI–Too Much Information–than splashing one’s family life all over Facebook.

I am not alone in my concerns about endangering children.  The website Bella Online has a clear warning. Here’s another.  But, unfortunately, most advice–even good advice like this and this– does not include warnings against personalized clothing or information sharing on Facebook.

Because the data reveals that only about 10% of child abuse is committed by strangers, all children must also be taught about the sanctity of their bodies; they must be taught to be wary of overly friendly family members who want them to keep secrets.  But 10% of the millions of children who will be sexually abused before the age of 18 is a big number…..

So why not cut back on posting on Facebook or Instagram about everything your children and grandchildren do? Gift-giving season is approaching, so please do not give your grandchildren or children personalized clothing, backpacks, et cetera.  

Let’s all stay safe…..and help keep our children and grandchildren safe

9 thoughts on “Be “Impersonal”

  1. Thanks,John, never would have occurred to me. I, too, have lost any reluctance to speak up. Some boys in the pharmacy were perusing shelves parallel with me using the “F” word constantly. I asked them if they “saw”me? They were confused. I repeated the question. Do you see me? Are you aware of me? They acknowledged they were and I asked, then how dare you use such language in the presence of others in a public space?”

    They didn’t hit me. They apologized, but then again, that was Palo Alto. H. 650 321 5158 C. 650 739 5800



  2. Good for you. I have thought this so many times! Of course, when I gently suggest that maybe they shouldn’t put quite so many pictures of the kids on social media (gymnast! junior beauty queen! Swim team star!) people can get quite huffy. Or they think I am the pervert. Those personalized backpacks are the worst.


    • Thanks, Cindy,
      I wonder if any of the people I know who overdo Facebook will read what I wrote and, if they do, whether they will reassess. Fingers crossed…but it’s more likely they will just stop speaking to me!


  3. John, this is such great advice– a great contribution!

    Hope you are well, you certainly seem to stay on top of things and enjoy observing the world (such as it is!)

    All the best, Marjorie


  4. Having spent many years teaching young children, I knew how vulnerable they were to sexual abuse,
    not just stranger danger, but from people they knew, family relatives, friends, siblings.
    To help children understand the importance of protecting their physical space, I put a quarter in a gum ball machine and purchased a purple haired troll in his plastic bubble. I asked the children to imagine they were the troll with purple hair and no one could enter their personal
    space unless invited. Moms and the pediatrician were the only ones invited .


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s