Gather round, children. Grandpa Johnny wants to show you how to cheat and lie without doing anything illegal.  This will come in handy, especially if you want to run charter schools in New York when you grow up.

The story I am going to tell you, kids, involves something grownups call ‘Attrition,’ which means losing things, in this case children like you. ‘Attrition’ is bad, and so all charter schools try to have a low number, like maybe 5 or 6 out of 100.

In other words, if a charter school starts the year with 100 students and ends up with 95, that would be just a 5% ‘Attrition’ rate…and a reason to celebrate.

Here’s where you have to pay attention, because, if you run charter schools, YOU get to decide when to start measuring ‘Attrition.’  You could start counting on the first day of school, or you could wait until the state requires you to tell how many kids are enrolled a month and a half later.

In other words, if your school has 100 kids when classes begin on August 24th, you have 55 more days until you have to tell the State how many kids you have.

And here’s the best part: Whatever happens in that 55-day period does not count against your attrition because you can replace whoever leaves with new kids. It’s as if whoever leaves was never there!

So, suppose you realize that some kids who have enrolled don’t seem to fit in. Maybe they’re independent-minded, or maybe they are special needs children who will be very costly and difficult for you to educate.  You have 55 days to find ways to get rid of those kids, whom you can then replace with children who are more likely to get with the program.

One technique is what they call ‘out of school suspension,’ basically sending kids home for some infraction or other, however minor.  Do that a few times, and the parent, weary of having to take time off from work, will decide to find another school.  That kid is gone, and it’s as if he never existed.  No drag on your ‘Attrition’ rate, which is what matters to you.

There’s another way to cheat, kiddies, and that comes when your school year ends in mid-June.  You lopped off the beginning of the year when you decided to count from October 7th.  Now you can choose to completely ignore the summer months (a good idea because quite a few students decide to leave over the summer) and simply report ‘Attrition’ as of mid-June, your last day.  Your ‘Attrition’ data covers about 155 days of school, not the full 180, but there’s no way for anyone to know that, unless you tell them (and why on earth would you do that?)

If the powers-that-be really wanted to know which charter schools lost lots of kids, the State would ask for one number, how many of the kids who started your school in mid-August of one year were still enrolled the next mid-August, 365 days later.

Come to think of it, if you wanted to run a charter school (or academy) that focused on the success of each child, then you would want to know which children did not succeed, and why. Rather than worry about your ‘Attrition’ rate,  you would spend your time and money encouraging success and learning from your own failures.

But, kiddies, you don’t have to do that.  You can lie and cheat with numbers without breaking any laws, you can boast about your low ‘Attrition’ rate, and you can fool the Governor, some very rich people, lots of the media, and some of the public.

Even better, when you look in the mirror you won’t have to think about what happened to the children you ‘disappeared’ during that 55-day period–because it’s as if they were never there.

Pretty neat, huh….

Friends,

One of every 100 Americans is a public school teacher, 1% of the population. Of course, teachers are not “The One Percent” that possesses most of our wealth, et cetera.  But teachers ARE the 1% that deserves our support.

I hope you will join me in showing your support by affixing one of these bumper stickers to your vehicle, your office door, or wherever people can see it.

These stickers are 2 3/4″ x 10″.  I had a bunch printed up and am selling them at cost, $4 for one or $10 for three, mailing and handling costs included.

If you want one or more, send a check to Merrow Productions, 201 East 79th Street, Apartment 5D, NY NY 10075.

I will be driving to Brooklyn tomorrow with one sticker on the front bumper, the other on the rear bumper.  This will be their vehicular debut, although it might not make the evening news!

John

“Public Advocate Letitia James filed a federal civil-rights complaint against the city’s largest charter-school network Wednesday, claiming the high-performing Success Academy discriminates against students with disabilities.  The complaint, filed on behalf of 13 students, says Success fails to identify students with disabilities or provide them with “reasonable accommodations.”  It alleges that Success “retaliates” against students with disabilities by pressuring them to leave their schools.”  (The New York Post, January 21, 2016)

When I read this news, I wondered what Eva Moskowitz would say if she were called to testify.  Here’s how I think it might go.  

If it may please the court, I am Eva Moskowitz, the founder and CEO of Success Academies. This lawsuit is frivolous and entirely without merit.  My schools support every scholar enrolled to the best of our ability, and to suggest that we would single out special needs children and seek to remove them from our rolls is ludicrous, shameful, and insulting to our dedicated staff and teachers.

Although we enroll far fewer special needs children than other charter schools and traditional public schools, we treat them exactly as we treat all of our scholars.  We have high expectations and a carefully drafted code of conduct.  All children learn that there are at least 65 infractions that can get them suspended.  For example, failing to maintain a ‘ready to learn’ position after a warning can get a child sent home.

When scholars break the rules, we often will send them home, perhaps multiple times, until they get the message.  John Merrow of PBS documented that in a report last October, making it clear that we suspend a lot of kids, not just special needs kids. Most of the kids we send home, even the 5- and 6-year-olds,  fall into the category of “PITA,” which I will explain later.

The following month Kate Taylor of the New York Times brought the point home even more forcefully when she reported that one of our schools had ‘Got to go’ lists that named children the principal or staff wanted out.  I have seen that list and can assure you that few (if any) of the children on it were labeled special needs.  They too fell into the “PITA” category.

When news of that list became public, I disciplined the principal.  For crying out loud, he should have known better than to put stuff like that in writing.  He’s now back in the classroom.

I certainly do not apologize for using out of school suspensions more than any other schools, whether charter or traditional public. They are an important tool in the Success Academy toolbox, as I have written about in the Wall Street Journal.  I know that other schools treat behavior issues at the school, but we think sending the child home sends a message to him or her and to the parents.

A child who cannot keep his eyes on the teacher at all times doesn’t belong at Success Academy.  A child who continues to call out the answer to questions, even if she’s right, clearly isn’t Success Academy material.  A kindergartener who gets curious about the pictures on the bulletin board and leaves his seat to take a close look, that’s behavior we have to stamp out.  Obedience trumps curiosity every time, because if we allowed children to follow their desires, curiosity and passions, chaos would ensue.

Yes, it’s true that the parents of children we suspend multiple times often decide  to withdraw their children from our schools, but that’s their choice.

A lot of kids leave Success Academy, to be replaced by children on our long waiting list. But, your honor, those kids who disappear from our rolls are PITA kids, not special needs.

As you have probably figured out by now, PITA stands for “Pain in the Ass.” Believe me, kids who can’t get with the Success Academy program are a Pain In The Ass, and that’s reason enough for us to take steps.

Your honor, I respectfully request that this lawsuit be dismissed forthwith.

OK, I can count.  I know that ‘rigor‘ and ‘rigorous‘ are not really four-letter words.  However, I believe that they, when used by politicians and educators, they are curse words.

Here’s what brings this to mind: I am trying to figure out what I have learned in my 41 years of reporting about education. Over the years I have sat in 1000’s of classrooms and have spent countless hours with lots of teachers, and, for the life of me, I cannot remember a single teacher ever using either the noun or the adjective in our conversations.

But administrators and politicians, that’s a different story.  My hunch is, the further away they are from the classroom, the more likely people are to use those cuss words.  But they aren’t cussing, of course. Sadly, they are describing what they are convinced schools need more of.

It was the great Debbie Meier who first brought to my attention the familiar form of rigor in our language: rigor mortis.

Let’s ask Merriam Webster:

Full Definition of rigor. 1 a (1) : harsh inflexibility in opinion, temper, or judgment : severity (2) : the quality of being unyielding or inflexible : strictness (3) : severity of life : austerity b : an act or instance of strictness, severity, or cruelty. 2 : a tremor caused by a chill.

Full Definition of rigorous. 1 : manifesting, exercising, or favoring rigor : very strict. 2 a : marked by extremes of temperature or climate b : harsh, severe.

Is that what you want for schools, for your children or grandchildren?

So, if you care about education and you hear some know-it-all talking about the need for more rigor, run the other way.  Or, better yet, confront him or her.

Here’s what good schools, some of them anyway, look and sound like: https://themerrowreport.com/2014/11/07/what-happens-in-good-schools/