Although I was raised not to brag, today I cannot help myself. I’m jumping for joy because I’ve just learned that I have been awarded a highly coveted TED fellowship, which means that later this year I will be presenting FOUR TED talks, a so-called “Quar-TED” of my very own.

The competition for this honor is intense. Applicants were judged on the originality and creativity of their topics and the videotapes of two public presentations.

The names of other recipients haven’t been released, but a source inside the TED organization leaked the names of the household words who have been rejected in recent years.  It’s impressive: Khloe and Kim Kardashian, Eric Trump, Alan Dershowitz, Sylvester Stallone, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Jeffrey Epstein, Roseanne Barr, Pete Hegsleth, KellyAnne Conway, Jon Voight, Kelsey Grammar, and George Santos.

My four TED talks will be on the TED YouTube channel, but, if you’d like to attend in person, come to Rough Draft, a cozy bookstore-bar in Kingston, NY, that can seat somewhere between 30 and 31 people. 

Because I submitted seven topics, I now have to eliminate three. Perhaps you will help me by telling me which three of the seven do not interest you in the least. I kind of hope you won’t eliminate #7, because that’s a passion of mine.

1. THE HISTORY OF DENTAL FLOSS

No doubt you floss regularly, but have you ever wondered who flossed first? It’s a fascinating story of innovation and corporate courage, which I will tell in this session. Although some evidence suggests that primitive people may have used twigs to clean between their teeth, credit for the invention of dental floss as we know it goes to a New Orleans dentist, who in 1815 began advising his patients to use a thin silk thread to clean between their teeth.

The idea slowly caught on, and in 1882 a Massachusetts company, Codman and Shurtleft, began marketing an unwaxed silk dental floss. This was followed in 1896 by the first dental floss from Johnson & Johnson, which patented it in 1898.  Nylon replaced silk in the 1940’s, but today floss can be spongy or soft, flavored or unflavored, and may even be made of Gore-tex.

And this brief summary just scratches the surface (the enamel, so to speak). I promise to open wide, explore the crannies, and dig out all the tiny details for you.

2. UNDERSTANDING BITCOIN

The fast-changing world of bitcoin is baffling. At least 21 different varieties are available, beyond the power of any mnemonic to organize.  There is, however, an easy way to grasp the complexity: Their three different power systems.  

1. Exerium, XRP, Solana, Litecoin, and Dogecoin are driven by Grexiana voltage, which is easily computed by squaring the cube root of their value, divided by the population of their sponsoring country or territory.   
2. Stellar, AVAX, Altcoins, Aave, and Memecoins, in sharp contrast, are powered by Androcentia, which can be computed by taking the cube root of their value, multiplied by 13.5, and then divided by the market value of Google and Meta (but not Apple).  
3. Most of the remaining forms of bitcoin, like TRON, Polkadot, Tether, Cardano, and Dai, are powered and valued by a more complex formula that entails factoring in the combined payrolls for civic employees of the four largest cities in the sponsoring state or territory, and determining the square root of the power generation required to create the entity, plus the average annual rainfall of the region.  

Using charts and graphs, I promise to bring this to life.

3. GRAINS OF SAND

Everyone has heard the unprovable assertion that no two snowflakes are identical; perhaps you have heard the same claim about grains of sand.  However, the latter assertion can be tested, because grains of sand neither melt nor disappear.  The earth contains trillions and trillions of grains of sand, and I have spent years searching for identical grains on beaches and deserts in the US, France, Italy, Spain, Scotland, Great Britain, Ireland, Morocco, Madagascar, Ethiopia Thailand, China, Turkey, Greece, South Africa, Zambia, Rwanda, and a dozen or more Caribbean islands.   

In a 1-hour slide presentation of closeup views of grains of sand from hundreds of beaches, I will show everyone just how tantalizingly close I have come to finding perfectly matching grains of sand. Those attending the live presentation will receive a small jar of sand from my collection, so that they may examine grains themselves. 

4. LADDERS, LADDERS, LADDERS

When you hear the word ‘ladder,’ you probably visualize something made of wood or galvanized metal, but when those materials weren’t available, ingenious humans adapted, making serviceable ladders from pasta and, in the 12th century in what is now Denmark, from cheese.  Whatever the material, ladders have long symbolized our ambition to reach higher. Without ladders, Costco wouldn’t exist, fire trucks would serve no purpose, and the Napoleonic wars would never have happened. In this session, everyone will enjoy a virtual visit to the Läedder Museum in Oslo, play a competitive (virtual) round of Andean Ladderball in a virtual three-story gym, and virtually sample some giraffe yogurt from Pretoria.  And ladders make all this possible!

5. THE WORLD OF SOD FARMING

“Why are sod farmers bored?”

“Because all they do is sit around watching the grass grow.”

That’s just one of hundreds of side-splitting jokes about the serious business of growing grass that I will entertain you with, as I introduce you to the complex world of the man-made lawn. For example, are you aware that new sod must be cut at precisely the right depth? Cut too short, and the grass root ends will be damaged; cut too deep, and the grass roots will not emerge to grow into their new location.  

In both instances, domestic tragedy ensues: the new grass dies, and the bereft homeowner and family are left with a yellowing lawn–and a sizable bill.

6. THE MYSTERIES OF GLUE

Perhaps you have wondered how Adam and Eve got their fig leaves to stick onto their private parts. Well, they must have used resin. In other words, age-wise, glue has been around as long as sin itself!  Fast forward 50,000 years, and archaeologists have found evidence that early man made glue by heating up birch bark tar. 

Fascinating, right?  I believe I know as much as there is to know about glue, whether it’s the density of SuperGlue or the dangers of eating Elmer’s Glue. Glue can be plant-based, animal-based, or some combination.  You will come away fully informed about starch glues (such as potato starch glue, rice glue, and wheat paste), dextrin glues, polysaccharide glues, tree gums (Gum Arabic and acacia gum), and resins.  

Before the session is over, you too will understand glue….and will no doubt be the hit of future cocktail parties.

7. CHOOSING TEXTBOOKS

Every year our nation’s 14,000 school districts purchase hundreds of millions of dollars worth of textbooks and other instructional materials.  There are three distinct approaches.  

1. About one-third of school districts require a 30-day viewing period in which interested adults may review the material, a 2-day public comment period, and a 65% majority for approval;  
2. Another third of school districts require a 60-day viewing period, a 3-day public comment time, and a 60% majority
3. The remaining third require a 45-day viewing period, a 1-day public comment time, and a 66.7% majority.   

Think about those combinations: 30, 60, and 45.  2, 3, and 1.  65%, 60%, and 66.7%.  The possibilities are endlessly intriguing.

This particular subject is in my sweet spot, because I spent 41 years covering public education.  Be prepared for lots of long and highly detailed stories about textbook adoption in communities across the country.